I think I have arrived at a stage or platform where I seem to not caring enough for the exams. I may be just literally, throwing away a decade of incruciatingly difficult hard work just out the window. I am scared about failing these exams and possibly having to sit the re-runs just because I know that they are not going to turn out as planned. But at the same time, I no longer care.

I should care. I’m literally destroying everything I built up for myself. I spent so long, separating myself from my family, my friends, my world to achieve all this, and now when the time has come for the true test, I’m not even bothered to make the smallest effort.

This pretend-revision I’m doing these days isn’t going to get my anywhere. I’m not even exaggerating.

I had contrived the perfect life. I took care of all my steps, I included the fall backs, the other options… I included every tiny aspect, and although it was a huge plan, it ultimately ended up in one place.

I don’t think I’m going to get my act together anytime soon.

Well, I’m off to destroy my life some more.